Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
