are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
