he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
