2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I use my feet as sexual weapons
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
