My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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