if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
