Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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