That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
