Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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