You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
