It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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