Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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