Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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