I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
