I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
