our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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