I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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