My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
