i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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