Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
