I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
