im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
dude. I can hear the air.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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