You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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