hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
