i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
