The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
