How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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