She is in my trunk
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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