i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
