i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
