just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
