yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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