You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
3pm strippers are depressing
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
