What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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