Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
