if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just had sex bonerless
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
