so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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