I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
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And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent