Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
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Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.