Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley