I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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