im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Where is the hickey?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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