I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
