remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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