She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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