It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
