I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I bet he comes in French.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
