everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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