so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
