After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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