Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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