Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
