I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
