Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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