My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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