If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
