No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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