when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
