It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
