JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
