She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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