a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
