im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
