Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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