i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
