I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
