the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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