Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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