So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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