she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
