I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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