I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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