At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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