Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
