I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
