your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
