Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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