Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My cat gives me a boner
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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