Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
