I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
soo... how was my night?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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