my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
