I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
