there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
