No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage