So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised