im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
