My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
