tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.